theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
