So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
