I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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