I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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