I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
