I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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