That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
