I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Its about making memories worth repressing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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