Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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