my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
