i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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