I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
