two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
