I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
