Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
