Jerry, you need to find god
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
