i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I miss vodka workout Fridays
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Enjoy the penises
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
