I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
