the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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