He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
