Where is the hickey?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
