is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
