Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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