Will you blow on my dice?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
