So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You ruined the universe
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
