i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
