Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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