You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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