R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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