their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
