So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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