dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
