I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My vagina is very pro this idea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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