she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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