He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
