You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
