im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
