All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
