The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Farmville is her only friend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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