Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
