I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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