Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
