I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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