R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
