Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
false alarm, still single
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