i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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