broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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