somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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