I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
