I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
