What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
