right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
