Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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