I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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